Tautologies and other common errors.

Very beginning. The word very is redundant in this phrase.

Further/farther. Further applies to conceptual things: shall we take the plans further? Farther applies to distance: the town you want is about 5 miles farther down the road.

Personal belongings. All belongings are personal - unless they’ve been stolen from a public place.

Small minority. Minorities are, by their very definitions, small.

In one way or another. You might have heard someone use the following phrase: Well, it's probably true in one way or another. Well, of course it is. If it's not true in one way then it's not fucking true! And how can something be true in two ways? It's just another one of our meaningless little phrases we use to pad out our language and make ourselves seem that much smarter (read: dumber).

Old adage. All adages are, by their very definitions, old.

If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. Actually, if you've seen one, you've seen one. If you've seen them all, then you've seen them all.

Past experience. All experiences happen in the past, unless they’re happening in the present (in which case you might want to start experiencing them and stop writing about them).

Exact same/exactly the same. Something is either the same as something or it isn’t. The word exact is redundant in this phrase.

PIN number. The initial n in the acronym PIN stands for number. Thus, the word number is a tautology and should be omitted. A typical conversation held at a supermarket:

Person at checkout: Please insert your PIN number, sir.
Me: PIN number? I'll insert my PIN, thank you very much. Also, please don't call me sir: I haven't been knighted by her holiness just yet.
Person at checkout: Huh?

Honest truth. A truth is either true or it isn't. For such a thing as an honest truth to exist, there would have to be dishonest truths or half-truths. Again, the word half-truth is redundant. Instead, use lie (unless you're a crooked politician).

Future plans. All plans are to be executed in the future.

Gather together. What? Are you gonna gather apart? If you’re not together, then you haven’t gathered. Lose the word together as it's a tautology.

Shrug one’s shoulders. What else are you gonna shrug: your knees? Simply say shrug.

Plan ahead. All plans extend into the future. The word ahead is redundant. Lose it!

First time ever. It’s either your first time, or it isn’t. Decide!

Added bonus. All bonuses are additional. Lose added.

Safe haven. Is there such a thing as an unsafe haven? Havens are, by their very definitions, safe places.

Safe bet. All bets have an element of risk to them; thus, no bet is safe. Use instead safe option.

Temper tantrum. All tantrums occur when someone’s in a temper. The word temper is thus a tautology.

Unique individual. All individuals are unique; they’re individual! Also, never modify unique with adverbs such as rather or somewhat. Something is either unique or it isn’t.

Could hear a pin drop. One can’t hear most things drop, let alone a pin. One might be able to hear a pin land, though.

Emergency situation. All occurrences are situations; it’s just an emergency.

Assistant supervisor. An assistant supervisor is supervised by someone else, so where does the supervision come in? Why not call the person the supervisor’s assistant?

Original copy. A copy is not original; it’s just a copy.

Plastic glass. It seems absurd that something can be made of two materials simultaneously. Just call it a plastic cup.

Resident alien. If someone settles in a country, they’re no longer an alien - they're a resident of that country! (That phrase shows the underlying racism which pervades in some American states - immigrants can never be citizens.)

Uninvited guest. Regardless of whether a person is invited to something or not, they’re still - and always will be - a guest.

Live recording. All recordings are done live.

Dry lake. If a lake has dried up, it’s no longer a lake.

Headache tablet. Surely the last thing you need when you have a headache is a headache tablet. Why not take an anti-headache tablet?

Irony. Irony deals with unexpected things which are the opposite of what is expected. If a man on his way to the hospital to receive some insulin dies in a car crash, it’s just an event; a co-incidence. If he dies in a crash in which a lorry carrying sugar is involved, that’s an oddly poetic co-incidence. If the lorry is carrying insulin, however, then that’s an irony.

Sour grapes. Sour grapes has nothing to do with jealousy or spite; it means to not do something based on the belief that the outcome will not be one that is expected or wanted. The phrase comes from Aesop’s fable of The Fox and the Grapes. In the story, a fox is trying to jump up to get some grapes off a vine but can’t reach. In the end, he gives up and says that the grapes probably would’ve been sour anyway.

Forte. The word is pronounced in two ways and has two meanings. The noun forte (pronounced ‘fort’) means a strong point or skill. In music, the word forte (an adjective and/or adverb pronounced ‘for-tay’) means to play loud.

Prodigal. Prodigal does not mean ‘wandering’ and isn’t related to the word ‘prodigy’. It means to be recklessly wasteful or extravagant.

Celibate. Celibacy pertains to non-marriage. Chastity and sexual abstinence pertain to having non-sexual relationships.

Proverbial. Dropping something in ‘the proverbial basket’ is not a proverb; it’s just a metaphor. Also, running ‘like the proverbial cheetah’ isn't, either - it’s a simile. Something is proverbial only if it relates to a proverb.

Momentarily. Momentarily means in a moment; not for a moment. To do something for a moment is to do something presently.

Criterion/criteria. Criterion is singular; criteria plural. The same applies to bacterium and bacteria, agendum and agenda, medium and media, graffito and graffiti, and paparazzo and paparazzi - to name only a few.

Light-year. A light-year is a measure of distance; not time. Things travel light-years, but don’t take light-years.

Acronym. An acronym is only an acronym if it can be pronounced as a word - such as radar, NATO, laser or, perhaps, UNICEF. All other words - such as IBM, FBI and EU - are just abbreviations.

Can/may. Can applies to what is possible: can it be done? May applies to what is permissible: may I borrow some money?

The proof is in the pudding. To quote George Carlin: “The raisins and rice are in the pudding.” The phrase is: the proof of the pudding is in the eating. In this phrase, proof means test.

An eye for an eye. This adage is not a call for revenge. It simply states that the punishment should fit the crime: if someone takes an eye, an eye should be taken in return. It is not vindictive; it is mitigatory.

Don’t make the same mistake twice. This implies that three mistakes would have to be made - first one mistake would be made, then the mistake would be repeated again twice. A better phrase is: don’t make the same mistake.

Healthy/healthful. Healthy is a condition; healthful is a property. People are healthy. Food is healthful - it aids health. Food is not healthy - because food is dead, inert and sitting on your plate. If it were healthy, it would be doing push-ups.

Race, creed or colour. Race and colour are one and the same. The phrase also reeks of insincerity.

Pre-board. What does that mean? To board something before you board it? Is that logically possible? The prefix pre- can be omitted from most words without changing the meaning; pre- is simply a meaningless prefix.

Fire department. Surely the fire department would be in charge of starting fires? Why not the anti-fire or distinguishing department? Makes more sense.

Wrinkle cream. It’s now mainly referred to as anti-wrinkle cream, because the properties of the former cream left some middle-aged women at a loss.

Anti-/ante-. The prefix anti- means opposed to or having a reverse effect: anti-abortion, anti-ageing. The prefix ante- means before and pertains to historical periods. (Historical periods itself could be a tautology - I just didn't want to make the assumption that it pertains to those bloody events that women have.)

Holy war. No war can be holy. Does the commandment ‘Thou shalt not kill’ mean anything to you religious zealots?

Mercy killing. No killing is, in itself, merciful. Instead, use the word euthanasia.

Friendly fire. I don’t think anyone would find stray bullets coming from allies that friendly. See if you think it’s friendly when you’re dead.

Not going to win any popularity contests. Have you ever heard of anyone who’s won a popularity contest? I guess the winners are just not that popular.

Unidentified person/ unknown person. Surely everyone has an identity and is known to at least two people - their mother and father (maybe not the father). The phrase should really be unidentifiable person, but I guess that sounds too long-winded.

You can talk ‘til you’re blue in the face. Actually, I think it’s quite hard to talk when one’s blue in the face. I tried it once and I died. Why not talk ‘til you’re light purple in the face? I think the chances of survival are slightly higher in that way.

Open a can of worms. Do people really pack worms into cans? Where are they buying these?

Read you the Riot Act. Has anyone ever read you the Riot Act? I think it’s bullshit, folks.

The Pen is mightier than the sword. The phrase sounds a little nineteenth century now. Why not: the typewriter is mightier than the machine gun? Or, the Macintosh is mightier than the particle-beam gun?

Dropping like flies. The consensus is that flies fly. I’ve never seen a fly drop, as it were.

In the wrong place at the wrong time. Shouldn’t it be: in the right place at the wrong time? You’re in the right place because that’s where your day’s activities have lead you. Unfortunately, you got there just at the wrong time because a bullet’s about to fly through your skull.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist. Does this phrase imply that rocket scientists are smart? When did bombing innocent brown people become a smart and admirable career?

You never know. Sometimes, you do know.

You don’t have to be a brain surgeon. In some situations, I imagine one would have to be a brain surgeon - such as situations involving brain surgery.

The sky’s the limit. The sky is not the limit - the sky never ends. The Earth is the limit - if you keep digging earth, you’re eventually gonna reach the centre and die.

Look to the skies. How can there be more than one sky? Am I not seeing something?

You get what you pay for/ you pays your money, you takes your choice. You get what you’re given. In today’s consumer-driven society, you probably get a fraction of what you pay for - you get whatever they want to give you.

Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow might never come. Today is another day. If tomorrow does come, it will be today - and will thus be another day.

Nice guys finish last. Statistically, nice guys finish third; short guys finish last. If no short people are competing, it's likely that drunks or men wearing toupees will finish last.

Those were the days. What about the nights? During the days, you worked. What about all the drinking, drug-taking, partying and fucking you used to do at night?

Everyone has his price. This is a common misconception. Some people don’t have their prices: due to a government mix-up, some people have their neighbours’ prices.

You can’t win them all. One man in a small Cornish village really is winning them all. Another guy is losing them all. Someone, somewhere, may even be drawing them all.

They don’t make ‘em like they used to. They do make them like they used to, actually; they just don’t sell them any more.

Things will get better before they get worse. How do you know? What if they continue to get worse? This is happening to some people as we speak - and will continue to happen.

It takes two to tango. Actually, a person can tango reasonably well on their own. It takes two to tango together.

Nobody ever said life is fair. Actually, someone said that to me when I was twelve. They died the next day at the age of twenty-seven.

There’s a sucker born every minute and two more are born to take him. With today’s larger population base, it’s more reasonable to assume that fifty suckers are born every minute and five-hundred and fifty-seven are born to take them.

New initiative. All initiatives are new.

General public. Unless you’re treating certain members of the public as special, all members of the public are general.

Idioms.

An idiom is typically defined as a phrase relevant to a certain culture which can't be understood to an outsider by its component parts. Sound like a mouthful? Good. For example, the phrases sour grapes, white elephant, elephant in the room and monkey's uncle are all idiomatic phrases. (I.e. only an English person can understand them - they would have to be explained in full to non-English people.)

A very brief guide to punctuation.

Part 1

The basics: commas, semi-colons, colons and full-stops.

Firstly, then, we have the comma (a symbol which sits on the line and is shaped like a tear drop). The comma is a very ubiquitous piece of punctuation these days and is often littered throughout text without care. The comma is the most paucitive piece of punctuation and is typically defined as lasting around half a second - whereas the full-stop can last for a couple of seconds and a semi-colon is typically between the two. Often, people punctuate with a comma by allocating it some sort of breathing pause. That approach can often work when style is equal to grammar, but, usually, grammar will always prevail in dictating usage. Often, a comma is used to separate similar items in a list (depending on the size of the list), e.g.:

1. You'll need the following things: a bill, a passport or a driver's license.

But, as I've said, it can also indicate a slight pause (usually given for effect), e.g.:

2. He was 17, but it felt as though life had yet to begin.

Let me explain. Sentences are made of clauses, and clauses are made of phrases. There are two types of clauses: subordinate and co-ordinate. Subordinate clauses cannot stand on their own as complete thoughts because they don't contain verbs, whereas co-ordinate clauses are complete thoughts and are often linked by co-ordinating conjunctions (such as and, or and but). The following examples should indicate what I mean:

1. You will see, given time and experience, that I'm right, dear boy.

2. I love you and I would rather not fight.

In number 1, the commas occurring before 'given' and after 'experience' indicate that the thought is parenthetical. Remove that phrase and the sentence reads: 'You will see that I'm right, dear boy.' You could argue that it would still read the same without the commas, but I'm a purist so you'll have to excuse me. If, however, the rest were removed, the sentence would read: '... given time and experience'. "'Given time and experience' what?" you may ask, quite correctly. In number 2, both clauses offer complete thoughts so the conjunction could be replaced by a full stop. However, the two clauses are so close in sense that it makes more sense not to separate them but rather have them linked with a co-ordinating conjunction. Just so you know, only and, or and but are such conjunctions; the rest, such as while or however, for instance, are known as subordinating conjunctions.

Secondly, we have the semi-colon. As I've said, when given as a marker for a pause it's a half-way house between the comma and the full-stop. As such, if one is writing a list with many items one can indulge in the use of semi-colons so as not to make the passage confusing. The following example illustrates my point:

1. There are several types of organism living in the area: various insects, including dragonflies, hornets and beetles; arachnids; rodents, including rats, door mice and field mice....

You can see that in that example I've separated the types of animals so as not to pepper the piece with too many commas. The semi-colon can also be used to separate bullet points. One final and important use of the semi-colon is to link two pieces of relevant information. In this respect, it's almost a substitute for a conjunction. E.g.:

1. You go one way; I'll go the other.

In this sense, the semi-colon is used rather than and - which seems more effective and to-the-point.

Thirdly, then, we have the colon. The colon is usually described as: that little bit of punctuation which is responsible for delivering the goods. Why do I say this? Well, it usually introduces one of three things: a point, a list, or direct speech, as in:

1. One thing was for sure: the winter would take a toll from Shakespeare's Richard the Third.

2. You'll need the following things: ....

3. Apparently, Darren said: "..." ....

Finally, in this section, we have the full-stop. The full-stop is used to mark the end of a sentence (which is usually defined as having a subject and predicate (verb and object/complement/adverbial) and is typically of around 20 words). Whether to end a sentence here or there is of course dictated by personal choice but a full-stop can, and should, always come at the end of a sentence. However, saying this, a sentence may continue indefinitely, depending on its structure and whether you want to annoy your reader or not. A full stop should be included only when the meaning of a verb has ceased (and a comma would thus protract and convolute the meaning of further clauses) or a point is being laboured. It's up to you whether you write short, snappy sentences or long, descriptive, drawn-out prose, but a mixture is obviously recommended.

The full-stop also signifies abbreviation. Some abbreviations, like Mr, do not need full-stops because they end with the last letters of their corresponding words. However, some - like 'department' (dept.) - don't end with their last letters. Other examples include: sev. (several), gen. (general), maj. (major), MajGen. (major general), lt. (lieutenant), U.S. (United States), prof. (professor), rev. or revd (reverend), sen. (senator) etc. (et cetera), and i.e. (id est). This is why when some abbreviations - like etc. - occur at the end of sentences two full-stops are used. If abbreviations occur mid-sentence, they also are sometimes followed by commas. Look at the following examples:

1. I've received an e-mail from the rev.. Or: I've received an e-mail from the revd.

2. Did you receive the message from the Prof. Daniels?

3. I refer you to the comments made by James Hart, John Zimmerman, Paul Blart, and Gary Philips, etc..

Part 2: parenthetical punctuation.

Now, I've done the comma but what I neglected to mention is that there do exist other forms of punctuation which act in a similar way to the humble comma. The following items can be used interchangeably but, like in most cases, there are miniscule differences between each.

First, we have the hyphen (or dash). The hyphen is often used to mark off a piece of information as an aside. It also acts to show information which has an additional meaning which is related to the main point but is somehow not entirely relevant. Therefore, this piece of punctuation is similar to both the comma and parenthesis, as in the following examples:

1. It was 7 - in the p.m. - and already the sordid creatures had risen from their winks.

2. He was 32 stone with hardly any facial hair - a kind of John Candy-esque fellow, if I do say so myself.

In prose, of course, a dash is often incorporated into speech to show an interjection (one sees this sort of thing a lot in plays). A comma can come after a following dash in some examples - regardless of how awkward this appears to look. Most people, however, tend not to do this. That doesn't mean that you don't have to, though.

Second, we have parentheses. Unlike dashes, these should be used only when the information you're imparting is something techincal or which can't be inferred. We English call them brackets, of course, but I'll go with the American standard. When occurring at the end of a sentence, a full stop should be placed outside the final bracket; when occurring as a separate sentence (as an afterthought) a full-stop should be placed inside the brackets, as in the following examples:

1. For a house looter, a crow bar should be sufficient (or any kind of prying tool for that matter).

2. Jeffrey Johnson had committed a grossly horrendous crime. (In fact, it was the fourth time inside a two-year period.)

Firstly, we have the ellipsis which is comprised of three ellipsis dots (...). When occurring at the end of a sentence an ellipsis should be qualified by a fourth and final dot; in all other examples three dots is what you'll need. The ellipsis signifies either omitted words (the ellipsis is employed in this case usually because certain words either can't be identified in the original source or the words aren't relevant) or a kind of pause introduced for effect - i.e. when a scene ends in a particular way, which may, for example, leave two lusty, love-struck teens sitting in a parked car in an abandoned car park.... Of course, it can also be used to signify a person's request to be left alone. The following examples show my point:

1. The orignal papyrus document had the following passage, with words unavailable due to wear and tear: "blah, blah, blah ... blah, blah, blah".

2. He kissed her on the neck and she began to lead him upstairs to bed. As she reached to turn the light switch off, moonlight penetrated through the window slats....

3. I'm not feeling hungry.... Just leave me alone, please.

Part 3: the odds and sods

Firstly, then, we have the apostrophe (a symbol which hangs above the line and looks similar to a comma). The aprostrophe is employed to show or give possession. When singular items - subjects - are given possession over other items - objects - an apostrophe and an s ('s) is employed, as in 'John's bicycle'. When plural items are employed which end in 's', an apostrophe, but no 's', should be employed. As in 'The girls' toybox'. In all other instances of the plural - i.e. not ending in 's' - the same guidance as singular possessiveness should be followed, as in 'the children's park'.

Before I go on, I shall briefly include three more uses of the apostrophe. Firstly, the apostrophe is contractile, which means that it signifies omitted letters in a word. E.g. the word 'Tracy's' can mean Tracy is or has - not just Tracy's so and so. Secondly, by omitting letters, the new word contains two words in one. E.g. 'let's' and the like - a contraction of 'let' and 'us'. Thirdly, plurals of abbreviated phrases and acronyms do not have to end with an apostrophe - a lower case 's' is sufficient. As in DVDs, CDs, VCRs, SSSIs or ABCs - the latter two being 'Sites of Special Scientific Interest' and 'American broadcasting companies' respectively (the latter of which may, or may not, be a ficticious acronym!) Quotation marks (called 'speech marks' in America) should be used only when either quoting a person or quoting direct speech said by a person. In novels, speech is shown with a single mark - as in John retorted: '...'. When a character quotes another, quotation marks are used (as in ''...''). In newswriting, however, both quotes and reported speech are always shown with quotation marks. The following examples illustrate my points:

1) Mark: 'I think you're over-reacting slightly, John.'

John: '"Over-reacting?" What do you mean "over-reacting?"'

2) The following quote was issued by the mayor: "...".

3) He dubbed the decision to go ahead with the plan "despicable".

Secondly, we have the exclamation mark. The exclamation mark should only be used in instances of surprise or a belting/loud demand, or the like, as in: 'really!' or 'Peters, get in my office!' More than one exclamation mark is unnecessary and often highlights juvenile stupidity. An exclamation mark also acts as a full stop, in the sense that if it's used at the end of a sentence or some other phrase a full stop is un-needed. Also, when a surprised response in the form of a question is used it's recommended that exclamation marks and question marks aren't used together - a question mark alone will suffice.

Thirdly, and finally, we have the question mark. The question mark is only ever employed at the end of... well... a question. Go figure! The question can be interrogative, rhetoric or of any form, but whenever anything is requested of somebody a question mark should be employed. In today's popular culture, question marks are often used as a medial form of surprise - slightly less exclamative than their cousin the exclamation mark. Always ask yourself whether you're asking something of someone, or reinforcing something, as in: 'Yes, you do owe me. Really.'

Hypernyms, hyponyms, eponyms, metonyms, synonyms and antonyms.

A hypernym is a type of thing, such as colour, car, road, etc..

A hyponym is a variant of a type of thing, such as:

Colour: red, yellow, orange, green, blue.
Car: Ford, Honda, Renault, Mercedes, Hyundai.
Road: by-road, highway, motorway, a-road, b-road, lane.

Beware: a word can be a hypernym in one context and a hyponym in another. Blue is a hyponym of colour but is itself a hypernym of different shades of blue, such as cyan, navy, turquoise, aqua-marine, etc..

An eponym is a word named after a person - think of the word eponymous. Einsteinian, the Cook Strait, the Colt and Pasteurisation are all eponyms.

A metonym is a word which describes someone by way of their features. Calling someone a ‘hoodie’ is an example of a metonym.

A synonym is a word which has the same meaning as another, interchangeable word. For example:

Start (verb: intransitive): begin, commence, etc..
Start (noun): beginning, origin, genesis, etc..
Chat (verb: transitive or intransitive): talk, converse, banter, etc..

An antonym is a word which is the opposite of another. Think of hot/cold, start/finish, black/white, etc.. Antonyms can be nouns, verbs, adverbs, or adjectives.

An introduction to grammar.

Every language has its own grammar. A grammar is defined as how words come together to form meaning. The way in which words are arranged to form meaning is called syntax. Grammars deal with tense (how inflections can change the temporal meaning of words) and different types of words.

In the English language, there are typically defined as being eight different types of words: nouns, adjectives, verbs, pronouns, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions and determiners. That sounds slightly mind-bending, but there's an elegant simplicity to understanding grammar that I hope to show you.

When young people think of grammar, they think of long, tedious hours spent looking at blackboards, hearing middle-aged, balding men drone on about tense and syntax. That is an entirely false impression - not only is grammar fun to learn and rewarding to know about, but it's essential. Words are the building blocks of thoughts: knowing what words are and mean will greatly improve your ability to communicate with other people simply and effectively. An uneducated man and an educated man might both be able to read the same sentence aloud, but I'm sure the former will appreciate it only on a superficial level.

Unfortunately, grammar wasn't taught properly for around 25 years between the 70s and late 90s because yuppie, baby-boomer politicians and thinkers thought the dogmatic, purist method of teaching English restricted rather than aided communication. Rather than teaching children grammar, teachers were encouraged to let them freely converse during classes and work on acquiring knowledge of language through speaking rather than reading and writing. As a result of that, a whole generation of people have been brought up with appalling levels of literacy.

Aside from that, other crimes against the English language have been perpetrated in the intervening years from groups - such as businessmen and politicians - and movements - such as the politically correct movement (which has only recently begun to come to its knees).

Language should enable thought; not restrict it. Politically correct language makes people think in a tunnelled fashion and greatly diminishes individual thought. Whilst the genesis of the movement had its roots in moral decency, it grew to encompass something that made people frown on using perfectly good language - instead making them use euphemisms and more soft, watered-down phrases. I'll give examples of such watering down in my next article. In this article, however, I'm going to give you an introduction in the basics of grammar. I hope you enjoy it and find it useful.

Nouns.

Nouns are naming words - words we give to concrete things which can tangibly be felt. However, nouns aren't just things like cats, dogs, cars, trees and people - they can encompass ideas as well. There are four types of noun:

• Concrete: these describe concrete things which you can see and feel and hear, such as cats, dogs or, even, clouds;
• Abstract: these encompass conceptual, human things such as love, happiness and anger;
• Proper: these nouns are given to people, organisations and places and always begin with capital letters - think of Paris, Lucy or Microsoft;
• Collective nouns: these apply to groups of people, animals or things, such as flocks, teams or families. (Take the word goose for example: the singular is goose, the plural is geese, but the collective is flight of geese.)

Nouns can be either singular or plural - singular means consisting of one thing; plural means consisting of more than one thing - such as animal/animals, pint/pints, child/children, etc.. Nouns can also be possessive - this is technically known as the genitive case. That just means that sometimes nouns can possess other nouns.

For example, in the phrase John's bicycle John - the subject - has possession over the bicycle - the object. We show possession by using an apostrophe. With singular nouns, the noun should always be qualified with an apostrophe and an s ('s) - such as Sarah's hat or the cat's dinner. With plural nouns, the same rule should be applied (unless the word already ends with an s). For example:

• Children's - the word children is a plural noun and, because it ends with an n, an apostrophe and an s ('s) qualify it;
• Kids' - with the word kids', however, no s qualifies it - because to do so would make the word unpronounceable (kids's doesn't make any sense and is extremely awkward to say).

However, with certain words ending in s certain traditions are held. For example, even though the word Jesus's (such as Jesus's Sermon on the Mount) can be pronounced quite well, the tradition is to drop the final s and instead write Jesus'. This tradition applies to other biblical figures, such as Moses, as well.

Adjectives.

Adjectives are words that describe nouns. Usually, they come before the nouns which they describe, but they can come afterwards. For example:

• A beautiful day;
• A nervous feeling;
• A kind person;
• A strange disposition.

Adjectives can also be used to show comparison. These types of adjectives come in two forms: comparatives and superlatives. Comparative adjectives typically end in -er, whilst superlatives end in -est. Comparatives highlight if something has a larger degree of a certain quality when compared with something similar, whilst superlatives highlight if something has the maximum degree of a certain quality (such as height, colour or width, for example). The following examples illustrate my point:

• Bigger, whiter, smaller, taller, fatter, wider, thinner and higher are comparatives;
• Biggest, whitest, smallest, tallest, fattest, widest, thinnest and highest are superlatives.

Rather than modifying words with -er and -est inflections, one can simply use the words more and most. For example, rather than saying taller and tallest, one can say more tall and most tall. In some examples, the words more and most must be used - such as with the word intelligent; one can't say intelligenter and intelligentest (unless you're a child), but, rather, more intelligent and most intelligent. If you ever hear someone use the word intelligentest, you'll know straight away that they're not intelligent.

Factoid: in America, the word superlative is pronounced superl-ative, whereas in the UK it's pronounced super-lative.

Verbs.

Verbs are defined as doing words - because they express actions. However, they can also express physical and mental states. For example:

• The boy jumps (simple action);
• The girl eats (simple action);
• The house stands on the hill (simple state);
• I think that will be all right (simple mental state/action).

Verbs will tell you what a subject (a thing which performs an action) is doing or being. Remember: subjects perform actions; objects have actions done to them.

All verbs begin with a base (or infinitive) form from which all other forms of the verb are derived. (To be - and all its variants - is an example of the base form of a verb - think of to run, to eat or to play, for examples.)

There are two types of verb: main and auxiliary. A main verb expresses the main meaning of a sentence. Auxiliary verbs are verbs that come before main verbs and aid them. For example, in the sentence I must have been thinking, the main verb is thinking - which is aided by three auxiliary verbs: must, have and been.

Auxiliary verbs are of two types: primary and modal. There are only three types of primary verb: be, have and do - and their variants, such as:

• Be: been, being;
• Do: did, doing, done;
• Have: had, having.

Look at the following sentences for examples of primary verbs in action:

1. He/she is running.
2. Have you spent all your money? Did you go to the doctor's surgery today?
   
3. I do want to see you. I have got what you asked for.
4. I did not go to school this morning.

The first example expresses a simple statement. In (2), the examples show how primary verbs can be used to form questions. In (3), the examples show how intent and emphasis can be shown. In (4), the example shows how negative statements can be expressed.

The three examples are also the only auxiliary verbs which can also be used as main verbs. For example:

1. She is unhappy/he is tall;
2. I have a new car/they have venereal diseases;
3. He did it/I did nothing.

Modal auxiliaries are only ever used in conjunction with main verbs. There are nine in total: must, should, would, could, can, will, shall, might, and may. Modal verbs can significantly alter the tone of questions, making them sound more polite or more fiery: Must I carry this, mother? They can also show emphasis or anger in statements: I shall not go! Modal verbs can also change commands into questions: see pass the salt and would you pass the salt?

Tense (verbs continued)

Whilst there are dozens of tenses, it's most simple to think of there being only three: past, present and future. The past and present tenses can be shown by adding simple inflections; whilst the future tense is usually shown by the adding of modal auxiliary verbs such as will or shall. For example, take variants of the word do:

• I do like you;
  
• I did like you;
• I will still like you.

A simpler example is to take a single word. For the sake of example, I'll choose start:

• Present: I start/I have started;
• Past: I started/I did start;
• Future: I will start/ I will be starting/I will have started.

The inflection -ed alters the tense of most present tense verbs to the past tense.

Voice (verbs continued)

There are two voices: active and passive. In the active voice, things do things; in the passive voice, things have things done to them. For example:

• Active: John has apologised/a train has run over a young person;
• Passive: an apology has been given by John/ a young person has been killed by a train.

The active voice sounds immediate and makes things sound more exciting. The passive voice sounds tame and makes things sound dull. Where most news-writers prefer to write in the active voice, politicians prefer to speak in the passive voice: rather than saying: we will issue a policy soon, a politician is more likely to say: by that time, we will have issued a policy. By using the passive voice, a person can avoid responsibility for having done - or doing - certain things. Sometimes, news-writers play it safe by using the passive voice because, in that way, assertions are less likely to be made.

Transitive and intransitive verbs

The word transitive means to transmit an action. A transitive verb transmits an action to a object; an intransitive verb doesn't. Some verbs don't require objects; some verbs can make sense both with and without objects - it all depends if the subject is doing something to something else. For example, a man can kick a dog but can also kick out:

• The man kicked the dog (subject, verb, object);
• The man kicked (subject, verb).

Sometimes, an object isn't needed - such as with the word sleep (one goes to sleep but doesn't sleep something). One verb which is popularly abused by waiters is enjoy. They say enjoy, and I think enjoy what? Enjoy the view? Enjoy my wife's trim legs? Enjoy the pathetic level of intelligence of the waiter? The waiter should say: enjoy your meal or enjoy your drinks, because one can't enjoy nothing; one has to enjoy something.

The subjunctive (verbs continued)

By 'the subjunctive', I mean the word were. Were is used to indicate both the impossible and the possible:

Impossible: If I were you...; if I were a chicken;
Possible: If I were to take up the job; if I were to have my penis enlarged by several inches....

Never confuse the words were and was when writing unless you want to be the subject of admonition (and possible intense sneering).

Adverbs

In the same way that adjectives describe nouns, adverbs describe verbs - they state how things are done. Most adverbs end in -ly, but not always. For example:

• She ran quickly;
• He feels much better;
• They left immediately. (Alternatively, one could say: they left in a hurry.)

Before I go on to pronouns, I'd like to give a quick word on sentence construction (which I'll elaborate on in my next article). Sentences are made out of clauses, and clauses are made out of phrases. Most sentences have the following construction: subject, verb, object. For example:

The boy (subject) kicked (verb) the dog (object). Subjects do actions; objects receive them. Remember? Good. Sometimes, the object can come before the subject - as in the passive voice: the dog was kicked by the boy. However, some simple sentences have the following form: subject, verb (such as she fell).

Aside from objects, sentences can also finish with complements and adverbial phrases. A complement gives more information about the subject or the object of a sentence. An adverbial provides extra information with regard to time, place or manner. For example:

Complement: the art is great, we were hungry, they like football;
Adverbial: I spoke to him last week, she smiled broadly (adverbial phrases often end in -ly).

Pronouns

Pronouns are words that take the place of nouns. For example, in the sentence Paula gave the book to George, the words Paula, book and George could be replaced with she, it and him. There are several types of pronoun: personal, possessive, reflexive, demonstrative, indefinite, relative and interrogative.

Before I continue, I should quickly state that pronouns come in three persons: the first (I, me, my, mine, we, us, and ours), second (you, yours) and third (he, she, it, him, her, they, them, his, hers, its and theirs).

Like regular nouns, pronouns come in two forms: singular and plural. Look at the following:

1st person (singular) I, me, my, mine;
1st person (plural): we, us, our, ours;
2nd person (singular): you, yours;
2nd person (plural): you, yours;
3rd person (singular): he, she, it, him, her, his, hers, theirs, its;
3rd person (plural): they, them, theirs.

Personal pronouns replace objects and subjects (usually people's names - proper nouns) in sentences. I, you, he, she and it are examples of the subject; me, him, her and it are examples of the object. For example:

• I drove him home;
• He thanked me for the lift.

Possessive pronouns show possession and replace proper nouns. Rather than saying Sarah's bag or the children's ball, you could say: her bag (or this is hers) or their ball.

Reflexive pronouns relate to the subject of a sentence and end in -self or -selves: he cut himself; they congratulated themselves on the win.

Demonstrative pronouns point at something or someone: this, these, those, that. For example:

• Do you want these?
• Read the letter. That will tell you what you want to know.

Indefinite pronouns are pronouns which do not refer to specific people or things. Examples of these are: someone, no one, anyone, something, nothing, anything, and everything.

Relative pronouns act as linking words in a sentence. The relative pronouns are: and who, whom and whose (when referring to people) and which and that (when referring to things). They refer to nouns and are always placed immediately after the noun(s) to which they refer:

• A city that has many tourist attractions; the city that never sleeps.

Who, whom and whose can also be used in a different way in interrogative pronouns - when forming questions. The following examples illustrate my point:

• Who did that?
• To whom does this belong?
• Whose is this?

A quick note on relative pronouns:

People often confuse the relative pronouns who and that when referring to people. For example, look at the following sentence:

• Did you see the man that was in the bar?

That is ungrammatical, but you probably often hear that sort of thing coming from young, moronic males. We use who when referring to people for the same reason we don't use who when referring to animals - because they're animals! You don't hear people asking questions like: Did you see the horse who kicked Maria's head off?

Conjunctions

Conjunctions join clauses together and come in two types: co-ordinating and subordinating conjunctions. The co-ordinating conjunctions are: and, but and or. They are used when clauses are of equal value and can stand on their own as complete thoughts:

• I went out today and had an ice-cream. (I went out today and had an ice-cream are both complete thoughts and could potentially both make complete sentences.)

The subordinating conjunctions are: whilst, because, when, as, after, although, unless, until and however - to name only a few. A subordinate clause lacks a verb and so is reliant on the main verb of a sentence:

• I think that, whilst Jim is fun, I prefer Sam and David. (In this sentence, whilst Jim is fun is a subordinate clause and doesn't make sense on its own - if you remove that phrase, the sentence will read: I think that I prefer Sam and David.)

Prepositions

Prepositions show how one thing relates to another (the subject to the object). Prepositions are words such as: at, behind, up, below, inside, in, into, on, opposite, above, under, along, before, during, and after - to name but a few. For example:

• I chased the squirrel up the tree.
• I spoke to the man behind the desk.
• My sister came down the stairs.

All of the above examples take the form: subject, verb, preposition, object.

Determiners

Determiners precede nouns and usually refer to them. Common ones are the indefinite and definite articles (a/an and the), possessive determiners (my, our, your, his, her, its, their), and demonstrative determiners (this, that, these, those). Other determiners refer to quantity: one, two, three....

Note the difference between possessive determiners and possessive pronouns: whilst possessive determiners show possession (that's my pen), possessive pronouns replace nouns (that's mine).

The indefinite article refers to unspecific things:

• an apple (the word an is used if it precedes a noun begins with a vowel);
• a present (the word a is used if it precedes a noun begins with a consonant).

The definite article refers to specific things:

• The pen is on the table;
• The man gave it to me...;
  
• Do you have the time?
  

Note: Some words - such as hour - start with consonants that aren't aspirated and so start with the indefinite article (an hour), whereas other words have hard sounds and begin
with a: a history - he has a history that baffles me. A lot of people do say an history, though - it's up to you to decide which one you'd like to use.